I had to quit saying yes. Yes was my knee jerk reaction for years. I would be asked anything on the spot and I would always without thinking say yes. Didn’t matter if I had plans, didn’t have childcare or couldn’t take one more thing on my to do list. I would say Yes.
I’m not sure when this started or why yes became my initial answer for everything, but I realized I started resenting people that asked me to do tasks for them. I began complaining and not liking anyone that asked me to do something. I was in survival mode.
It wasn’t their fault, the fault lay in myself for not knowing when to say no. I knew then that I had to start controlling my yes’s and saying no more often. I recently listened to an interesting podcast called Productivity Paradox by Tonya Dalton. She said every time we say yes to something we are saying no to something else, whether intentional or not. The no could be time with family, a coffee date with a friend or those 8 hours of sleep we need, we only have 24 hours in the day like everyone else.
The opposite is true as well. Each no is allowing you to say yes to something better or more interesting to you. Let your yes’s be the dreams and goals you are working towards, not the regretful fundraiser you volunteered for again (not that theres not a time and place for that as well 😉 You get my point. You are saying no whether the words come out or not, make the decision on what is most important to you. I wasn’t content.
Heres how I adjusted my sails and started crashing into the wave of no. These are the 3 reasons why I quit saying yes
- Have a go-to answer every time someone asks a request of you.
If you know me you’ve probably heard me say “Let me just check with John first, and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” That’s my husband and my fall back for when I need to think things through.
2. Know the number of “projects” you can reasonably take on.
I look over my calendar and decide how many days or nights a week I’m willing to be working on something else or being out of the house. Once I’ve reached that quota the rest is a no. Family time is important to me and if I don’t make family a priority, no one else will. My answer once my daily limit is reached usually goes like this. “That sounds like an amazing project, I just don’t have the time this project deserves.” You’re letting them know their idea is great you’re just not the right fit.
3. Know what goals and dreams align with your yes’s.
Without knowing your goals, you cannot determine what to say no to. Decide what you want out of life, where you want to be, then determine you’re yes’s from there. Believe you’ll know when your yes is right on target.
Saying No used to be a huge problem. I used to feel ashamed, letting others down. Now with my ready to go answers and my goals laid out, I can feel great about my Yes’s and No’s.
How about you? Do you struggle to say no? Let me know in the comments below
xo
Liz